In April 2016 she reached an all-time low. Literally looking through a window, watching life go one without her, she felt totally low and totally alone. She felt like she was drowning, right below the surface. She needed a lifeline - and by the grace of God - that lifeline came.
It came in the form of her darling daughters. They went on a walk and talked. Phrases like, “mom you ARE worth it” and “mom, there is HOPE” resonated with Jennifer. Others helped along way and eventually she found herself with a group of people that cheered her on.
In May 2016 she began her weight loss journey and in February she reached her goal. She lost 96 lbs.
Now I’d like to say, “fast forward a few months and she reached her goal”, but I think that kinda misses the point.
Those “fast forward months” were some of the hardest, but most worthwhile months for Jennifer. Moments of doubt, moments of frustration and anger. But also break throughs. And peace. And beginning to love herself again. Those months are the “messy middle” where we all live. The ones we want to just rush through but also the ones where the story is.
“It wasn’t easy. Sometimes it was downright awful.”
Was it worth it? At the time, maybe it was questionable.
Usually when I take pictures I try and show them a picture just from the back of my camera. It kinda breaks the tensions and lets them see just how great they look. So below is what happened when I showed Jen a picture of herself. It's almost like she couldn't believe she was looking at herself.
It doesn't take a pretty picture to do that, but sometimes we have to see ourselves how others do.
A dream realized. Hope. Maybe a little bit of sadness for not feeling as much of her worth before. Don't we all feel like that? The guilt, the fault finding. Why do we do that? Don't we realize how amazing we are? How much we have to offer?
So then I asked her. I asked her, "if you could tell yourself - that woman before - something, what would it be?"
“I would tell her she is worth it. She is worth the effort. She is worth the sacrifice. She is worth the change.”
When I asked her, “what does beauty mean or look like to you in one word”, her response was so fast and so sure — beauty is confidence.
That word. Confidence. Isn't it interesting how that word really has very little to do with how we look. I'm not going to say that it has nothing to do with it. But I would say confidence comes more from understanding you're worth something. That you have something to offer. To give. It's an inside-out word. The dictionary says it's, "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities." I like that. That is truly beautiful.
Her story is familiar to all of us. We have been there. I think that’s the key to this whole project is understanding that we as women are not alone. As much as those demons might want us to feel alone, we aren’t. We have other sisters that have gone through what we go through. And then in that moment that we feel like NO ONE knows what we are going through, He does. He has gone through it. He knows it. He knows you.
And a lesson that was taught by a small child. My sweet, sensitive child. My mom had reached her goal weight. She was so proud and we were so proud of her. And then my 8 year old daughter saw this picture. She pointed to the “before” picture. And she looked up at my mom and said, “but Grandma, I loved you then too.”
Taught from a child. Our self worth is not measured by how much we weigh…but by who we are. We are divine. We are worth it.
So remember on those days. You know the days.
Remember that.
You are worth it. You are worth the effort. The sacrifice. You are worth the change.
beauty is confidence.
jennifer.
beauty is confidence.
Some call her Jennifer, some call her Jen, some lovingly call her Mama Jen or Mama Empey. She's my mom, so that's what I call her.
She's a wife. A mother. A grandma. A friend.
Her story is familiar to all of us. Some of us are mamas. Some of us aren’t. But most of us have felt the sting of feeling “less than”. She felt that. Jennifer has spent most of her adult life fighting her weight. But not just that, it was self esteem. It was all of it. Self worth.
It was this whole “enoughness” factor. Whatever that “enough”ness means.